My Name is Dani Strider
by Princess Of Badassia
Summary: My Name is Dani Strider, and this is a story about me, my friends, and our wonderful school-life. Humanstuck, Highschool AU, and Genderbent Striders.
1. The Basics

My name is Dani Strider and I can't begin to explain to you how absolutely little I care about what you, or anyone, thinks. And I don't want to hear any shit about the 'fourth wall' okay? A chick as badass as me doesn't need a fourth fucking wall; this is a gog damn triangle house for all I care. Anyways, I suppose I should explain one other thing. This story stays between you and me, okay? I'm serious, dude. I am extending the hand of good faith here and if you slap it away like some rotten baloney sandwich, we are gonna have some serious shit. Okay? … Fuck it. I don't even give a damn. Let's just start off where I am right now, school.

I'm sitting in my honors Algebra 2 class not particularly giving a fuck about what's going on. No one else seems to give a damn either, this is basically the most boring and useless of all the classes. I lean my head back, and since I sit in the very back no one yells at me for slamming my head on their desk. My long almost-white blond ponytail swings back and forth slightly and my bangs sway away from my kickass shades. I hear two girls that sit next to me giggle and stare pointedly in my direction… I pretend not to notice, keeping a straight face like always. I get a lot of shit for looking like I do, especially from the girls. It's kinda ironic how a girl as cool as me is one of the most mocked girls in school. I don't really care if they make fun of me, really. Their opinions are worthless.

Then the guy next to me, I don't remember his name, taps me on the shoulder. He's a jock, I think. I narrow my eyes behind my sunglasses and look over at him. When I do his hand moves to snatch my glasses off my face. In a flash I have him gripped by the wrist, mercifully not snapping the bone. "Ouch! Mr. Shew! Dani is hurting me!" He yelps, shamelessly. You'd think a boy would be a bit more embarrassed about being hurt by a girl, but no, he's just another wimp.

"Ms. Strider." Mr. Shew sighs. "Detention again after school; let him go." He states calmly, because this is a normal occurrence. I say nothing and let his hand go, staring back up to the front without caring.

_Dammit, Sis is gonna be pissed when I show up late. _I groan internally, Sis is not exactly a happy camper when it comes to me getting in trouble at school. Even though she works two jobs she usually comes home to spar with me right when I get home…

When the bell rings I grab my red and black backpack off the ground and sling it over my shoulder. When I walk out of the door a group of girls turns around to glare at me, and then they start whispering. I almost smirk. _How thoughtful of them, to stop and stare at how amazing I am._ I roll my eyes and they can't even see it.

Thank gog it's lunchtime; I managed to snag lunch with all my friends, which is basically the best possible outcome. I walk into the commons, and find our usual table. It's covered in junk so I throw it away, no big deal. I toss my stuff on the table and sit myself down in a seat. I see my friend Rose walking with her girlfriend Kanaya, and I wave to them. They wave back to me with the hands that they aren't holding. Gog, I can't say that I'm surprise that they just blatantly hold hands like that, but I'm actually pretty surprised that they don't get more crap for it… oh, wait, Nevermind. You see, Rose is the princess of psychological fuckery, and she once made a girl burst into tears after she called Kanaya a 'fucking lesbo bitch' without blinking one of her magenta eyes. Kanaya, on the other hand, kills people with kindness. They both get their individual shit too, Rose is known as the Dark Witch because of her obsession with magic and grim dark books. Kanaya is known as the Vampire because she's pale, and she once bit a girl in middle school when she hit Rose in the face.

It should be said, I have some of the most badass friends you've ever met.

Rose and Kanaya sit next to each other as they get out the lunches they've made for each other… I think I just threw up in my mouth a little at that sweet gesture. Then John and Jade walk over, they're somehow loosely related… like 3rd cousins or some garbage like that. Jade has on a very subtle pair of black dog ears that blend in with her hair almost completely, I gave them to her on her birthday and I told her to wear them… for the ironies, of course.

And… Egbert… gog… Egbert is just too… innocent. I've never used that adjective for a guy, because they're just usually awful human beings… but Egbert… jegus, I barely even count Egbert as a male. Which, is why a lot of people consider him to be gay, despite his many attempts at speeches on his not being a homosexual. Pfft, I hate to be the yoai fangirl, but he'd be such a cute gay guy!

Anyways, I pull out my apple juice and my bag of nacho flavored Doritos and eat my lunch. Just as I was gonna chug down some juice a certain blind girl walks over to my table with the help of her guide dog. "Hey, what's up everyone?" She grins. "Is that the cool kid I smell?" I almost stiffen, Terezi and I are good friends. But… the smell thing always gets me, I mean; seriously, she swears she can smell people and that she can taste colors. Well, she does sometimes call me Miss Cherryberry Chapstick, and she swears that's what my shirt tastes like (I let her lick it, because what's more ironic than having a blind girl lick your favorite shirt?)

"Yo, sup Terezi?" I hold out my fist to the blind girl, and she pounds hers right against mine. She sits next to me and grins her sweet grin, red shades facing me like she can actually see me.

"Not much, Miss Cherryberry Chapstick, my government class was a wreck." She lets out a heavy sigh. "One of the jocks tried to hit me with my own cane." She wags her red dragon staff for good measure. "I caught it, of course, but it's annoying to be hated for a handicap." She pulls out three cherry airheads and a bottle of cherry fruit punch.

I clench a fist and begin to get up but she hooks my by the shoulder and shakes her head. I glare at her behind my sunglasses and begrudgingly eat a few Doritos.

"That's not exceptable, Terezi, You cannot allow them to go on this way. Perhaps we should ask a teacher for assistance?" Kanaya offers, currently munching on a homemade sandwich from Rose. "I'm sure Mr. Ross would assist you in apprehending those behemoths." She gestures towards his Global History classroom.

"If that doesn't work, you can always rely on me to tear them down psychologically, or possible I could put a 'curse' on them?" Rose says, her black lips curling up maniacally. She's referring to the time she sarcastically said to a girl 'I hope you fall down an extra long flight of stairs' and what do you know, she fell down the stairs in front of the school, and that is a shit load of fucking stairs.

John shudders. "Jegus, Rose, shut up with the grimdark spells and stuff. That is so not good, that stuff is really evil." He insists in his insipid little way of his.

Jade giggles. "Hey, what are friends for if they aren't willing to take a little bad karma for messing with voodoo?" She jokes, elbowing him in the ribs. She then has a straight face and looks over at Terezi. "But, seriously, we're here for you. Whenever you need it. I know I'm not really strong, or scary, but I'll always stand up for my friends!" She insists.

I feel my lips twitch upward at that. "Yeah, and if you need me to beat the crap out of someone, I'm free whenever." Everyone laughs at it, but they know I'm serious. I wouldn't let anything happen to my friends. Ever.

The bell rings right as I finish the last Dorito, I toss the bag into the trash and walk towards my study hall, I'm probably just gonna catch up on some Z's there, so I guess I'll talk to you after that… in detention… shit…


	2. The Color Red

**Sup, readers. This is L, ****(no, not _the_ L)** writer and I'd like to adress some things. First, this story is obviously chalk full of obscene language so I'd rather not have any immature people reading this (I don't care if your like, 9, and you read this, but be mature enough to digest it) and second... am I really that predictable? -.- at least one of you guessed the plot, which kills me a little and makes me wanna be more spontaneous... But, lastly, I fucking love this fem-dave I've got going on here... that is all, please continue along.

The bell snaps me out of the safe haven of sleep. I can't begin to tell you how awful it feels to wake up and remember that you just have to walk up the stairs to a detention hall full of annoying brats and attempt to sleep again. But despite that, I get up and walk my ass out the door. The second I walk out I bump into something short and covered in black, it-no, _he_-falls to the floor with a thump. I blink once under my shades, and then hold out my hand to help him up.

He smacks it away like some unholy piece of shit, and gets up himself. "Watch where you're going, fuckass!" He shouts at me, messy black hair in his eyes as he turns away from me and storms off. I almost stared after him, but that's both uncool and a waste of time. I move calmly in the same direction as him, because he stormed in the direction of detention. I make my way up the steps quickly and walk through the door into the gray prison of cement walls and no windows that is the detention room. They have succeeded in killing all inspiration.

The population of the room is a bunch of noticeable delinquents: otherwise called the jocks. Oh, and in the corner there's some of my people, who are more or less acquaintances. I move towards them and they acknowledge me silently. There's Tavros, the shy boy with light brown skin and a messy black mohawk. Unfortunately for him, even the mohawk can't make him look badass; he's just too adorable! He's sitting in his wheelchair next to his boyfriend, Gamzee. Gamzee is… strange… to say the very least. He's sorta lanky and tall, with messy black hair and strange dark purple eyes. He also wears clown makeup, which is pretty cool… but also extremely creepy. Near them is a small girl, she has oriental skin, but wide olive green eyes for some reason. Her name is Nepeta. She wears a blue cat-hat, with fuzzy blue ears, over her dark brown hair. She even has a matching blue cat tail, which gets her plenty of stares and even a few attacks.

They're all just chilling in the corner, Tavros resting his head on Gamzee's shoulder and Gamzee resting his head atop of Tavros's. Nepeta has her knees to her chest and is drawing something in a colorful sketchbook. I look at her pencils to see the brown and purple worn down a lot. She's pretty eccentric with her 'ships' as she calls them, and enjoys explaining to everyone the 'quadrants' she created. We actually all use them now. In fact, when I asked if she could explain then to me, she drew me a very colorful and easy to learn graph of them using people we both know. She saw Gamzee and Tavros as a 'pale red' couple because they were good friends before admitting they were going out. She and Gamzee have a less than happy 'black' relationship because he apparently did something unforgivable to her back in elementary school. She explained that Terezi and I have a 'slightly red pale' relationship, because Terezi and I like each other a lot, but not so much in the red area. Then there was the 'blackish pale' relationship between Gamzee and someone. She used a bright red colored pencil for his name, which she also used for my name.

I almost sigh as I catch myself thinking about those silly quadrants. Suddenly someone stomps into the room, a storm cloud of black and pissed off energy comes Right into the room. It scans the room with eyes that I can't see the color of, and then it's- again, _his-_ eyes catch the dark purple eyes of Gamzee. He trudges over like it's the worst possible outcome, and sits down between Nepeta and Gamzee (there was a lot of space to sit between those two) with a thump. _That thump sounds familiar._ I raise an eyebrow behind my glasses to see the same ball of fury that is the boy I ran into.

Nepeta smiles cheerfully at him, and waves. He snorts and brushes his hair away from his… bright… red… eyes…

I blink behind my glasses and almost sputter out a _'what the hell?'_ but, I of course don't. Because Striders do not _sputter_. I simply direct my gaze at him with a blank face, and when his cherry eyes meet my face, he scowls. "You!" he snarls. "Learned how to look forward while walking, yet? Or am I going to have to teach you to not walk into walls?" He rolls those eyes of his…

"Bitch, please. You're the one that's too short to see me walking out a classroom. Tell me, how exactly is the view of amazingly beautiful self from all the way down there." I snort, leaning back in my chair. This kid was annoying, amazingly similar eyes or not.

"Says the fat ass who should watch where she's fucking going." He growls. "I didn't really notice you, I thought you were just an amazingly unfashionable fire truck." He motions to my almost entirely red outfit. I'm wearing a white shirt without shoulders and long red sleeves, with my broken record shirt on it. Plus blood red shorts and thigh-high red converse like I usually do… but the little emo boy did _not_ just call me fat.

"Pfft, you're obviously just jealous of my ability to actually _wear_ colors, you skinny prick." I keep a straight face and roll my eyes under my shades.

Nepeta steps in by holding up a drawing. In it are two characters, an amazingly sexy blond in shades with red cargo pants and a white tang top holding a katana sword (like a fucking boss) with the name 'Dani' printed in cherry red and a guy with a black T-shirt with a red Cancer sign on it and cut up black pants, holding a sickle in each hand with the name 'Karkat' printed in bright red… between them is a cherry red line and… a red spade…

"Hell no." I cross my arms and glare at her behind my glasses. "You've never even made a red-black crossover before, and I do _not_ like this little bastard."

"The bitch is correct. There is more of a chance of me putting on a skirt and throwing myself at Eridan than there is that I will ever have anything more than a bloodthirsty black relationship with this insufferable red monstrosity here." Karkat agrees.

I smirk lightly at him. I have to admit that the boy is pretty creative with his insults, probably about as much as I am. It's kinda adorable, in a completely caliginous and platonic way. I let out a sigh and pull my cherry red headphones out of my bag like I should have the second I got into the gog forsaken room. I turn it to random and to my great appeal the song _'She's A Rebel'_ by Green Day turns on. I smile lightly and lean my head back, obviously trying to fall asleep. That is, until a certain red eyed dumbass throws a fucking pencil at me… which less than conveniently lands _inside my shirt. _I swear to gog, Imma smack a bitch in a second. I growl and lift my head to see four wide, colorful eyes staring at me. The pair of red ones has a matching blush on his cheeks. I shut off my headphones for a second and reach down my shirt, finding the pencil has made it's home right between my boobs. I pull it out, and hold it with two fingers at first, and then I grab it like a combat knife and slam it down on the table, so that it shatters into multiple pieces. I get a small splinter, but I'm too pissed to give a fuck, and I promptly flip Karkat off. I probably still had my blank face, but my eyes were positively on _fire_ with rage. I then throw the little bit of pencil still intact at Karkat, and cross my legs as I glare at him snidely. "I'm all ears, you pathetic little piece of emo shit." I say calmly, voice not fazed with the aggravation I feel at the moment.

Karkat looks intensely embarrassed as his gaze flickers from my face to my chest and quickly back again. He ducks his chin under his turtleneck sweater and it covers his mouth, but not his amazingly bright red cheeks. _He suddenly got smart, how fucking miraculous. _I think fiercely as I turn my earphones back on, with less volume (because that's obviously what got his panties in a twist in the first place) and the Green Day attempts to calm me down. I close my eyes and loose myself in the music for the rest of this gog awful 60 minutes. I feel someone tap me on the shoulder and I look up to find Karkat and I almost completely alone in the room, except for the teacher (who had also fallen asleep). He has one hand in his pocket and his pale face still half covered by that black sweater. I turn off my music, which had the song '_She's The Blade' _by Sugarcult playing. I slip my headphones off and stuff them in my bag carefully.

I get up and sling my bag over my shoulder, looking down into Karkat's eyes. Well, only slightly down, to be honest, he was actually a pretty decent height if I wanted to be honest… but fuck honesty, this little bitch threw a fucking pencil at my boobs. "Thanks, shorty." I ruffle his hair in the most demeaning way I can manage and I begin to walk away. The boy snarls and follows after me slightly, as we walk out the door. It's really weird, the guy is walking about five steps behind me similar to the way slenderman might. I finally get pissed and turn around, one hand on my hip and I glare at him. "Bitch, stop stalking me!" I demand.

He snorts and rolls those shocking eyes of his. "Listen, little miss ninja, this is the way I walk home. I can't even _begin _to tell you how unappealing the thought of following you around is. Actually, let me attempt. It is like an insatiable urge to stab my eyes out with a paperclip and roast them for smores." He glares, crossing his arms.

I nearly gag at the imagery, but instead I roll my eyes. "Well, hurry the fuck up, I don't want your lanky ass following me like a gogdamn shadow." I wait for him to catch up with me, but he seems to hesitate.

"Wait, seriously?" He asks, an incredulous look plastered on his adorable face… fuck, did I just say adorable? I meant absolutely and entirely unappealing in every way, shape and form. I nod at him like he's a slow child, and he slowly approaches like some kind of a coy crab… where in the fucking hell did that alliterative analogy come from? Gog, I'm losing the Strider swag every second I'm near him.

When he's next to me I turn around and begin walking. "By the way, I can feel those beady red eyes off yours all over my sexy ass." I mention calmly as he walks just a bit behind me.

He instantly protests, walking next to me in a split second to scream in my ear about how 'wearing bright red fucking booty shorts was not exactly subtle, and attracts attention accidently' where I offer the rebuttal 'so, you _were_ staring at my voluptuous ass?' To which he sputters and stays relatively silent.

I crack a grin that he can't see and in my state of amusement, miss the bump in the sidewalk, and trip a little. I begin to catch my balance when a ball of black, cussing rage knocks into my back, and I can't save both of us. So, down we fall, I hit the sidewalk with a thud and he falls safely on top of me. I let out a groan; the bitch is heavier than he fucking looks. I begin to open my eyes when I notice the light is so much brighter and I immediately close my eyes. "Karkat, you klutzy little bastard! Where did my sunglasses go?" I ramble, kicking him off me and fuddling around for my shades. I can't find them with my eyes closed, but I hear someone walk over next to me and pick something off the ground.

"Dani…" He asks, a grin obviously on his stupid, smug little face. "Why exactly are you closing your eyes trying to find something?" Oh, the bastard must think I'm fucking stupid or some shit. I immediately jump off the ground and reach out to where I think his hand is. I hear his hand swish out of the way, and a small chuckle. I growl menacingly, and move to punch him in the jugular, but the skinny boy dodges fast than I thought he could. "Just open your eyes, and you can have the glasses back." He's obviously pretty gogdamn happy with himself and isn't going to give my glasses back without a fight, so I guess I'll have to out my secret to some asshole I just met in detention.

I let out a furious sigh and open my eyes slowly to the bright light off the day. Karkat's smug grin disappears into thin air, and I find myself locked in a crimson-vs-crimson staring contest.


	3. Everyone's Business

**Okay. I am going to begin this with a few warnings. If you hate DaveTerezi/DaniTerezi: Calm the fuck down. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Sis Strider in this chapter. My pesterlogs might not me status-quo. AND If you are against Lesbians/Gays/Bisexuals or even pansexuals or asexuals... I want you to do the proper thing, and go hurt yourself. Oh, also there will be cussing. A shit-ton of cussing, bro. Forgive me if I don't give a damn that this is shitty as fuck.**

Karkat's mouth hangs open as I stare into his eyes, I can't even blink. He looks like he's going to slap himself in the face and then check to see if he's hallucinating. I have to say, it's one of the better reactions to my eyes. People usually call me a devil child and run off. My friends simply flinched and told me they didn't mind. The all time best was when Terezi came over to my house and got a good... "sniff"of my eyes, she was ecstatic and snuggled me, saying she loved the smell...

"Dani... Your eyes... Are red?" He stutters, a welcomed change from his pretentious normalcy.

I snatch my glasses from him in a flash and put them back on, turning away. "Got a problem?" I ask almost defensively. I hope he runs away too.

Then I feel a slap to the back of my head. "No I don't have a problem, dipshit!" He screams at me. "Your eyes are the same fucking color as mine!" He shouts, prepared to attract the whole neighborhood.

I quickly clasp a hand over his huge mouth and shh him. "Calm yourself!" I tell him. He glares at me and I stare into his red eyes for a second. His eyes are just a shade darker than mine, they look so... Ugh! I am not dreamily staring into this assholes weird eyes! I remove myself from him and step back.

"Let me see them again!" He demands, snatching my glasses off. Wait, what? Is this little motherfucker seriously fast enough to do that_, to me_? I flinch at the light, it's hard to adjust quickly... And before I know it, there's the moron just _inches_ away from my face. I blink at him.

"You look like a douche with these things on." He says, almost like he's confirming it. "Your eyes make you look more human..."

I pull him closer to me by his neck, until our noses are touching and he begins to blush bright red. "You always look like a douche." I whisper to him with a decidedly sadistic smirk, then pull my head back and _slam my forehead to his._

Fucker thinks he can just take my shades? He's got another thing coming.

He stumbles backwards, forehead bleeding slightly from the hit, and I snatch my glasses from him. "_No one touches the Strider shades._" I warn him sharply before turning and walking away. I hear him screaming cusses at me like nobody's business and grin to myself. _Fuck it, he actually is adorable. _I let myself think with a shrug.

I get to my building and sprint up the stairs to the door of my apartment. I open it and slam it shut in a split second, and flash towards my room. Standing in my way is a tall woman wearing a white shoulderless short-sleeved shirt with a black tank top underneath and long black pants. She has triangular black anime shades that don't show her eyes, and her short platinum hair is topped with a ball-cap sort of hat. Did I mention she looks pissed? No? Oh, well then, she looked pretty fucking pissed.

I'm the only one that can probably tell, though. Sis is basically a stone-cold motherfucker, and she usually has a blank look on her face, or a sarcastic smirk. I can just _feel_ the aggravation coming off this woman, though. Sis has her arms crossed over her chest and I can feel her eyes staring down at me, demanding an explanation. She is not to be fucked with, so I crack a smirk and look up at her with a cool demeanor. "Sorry, yo, I got held up at school." I shrug and flash to the side, attempting to abscond to my room.

_Bam._ Right in the stomach.

Sis does not play that shit.

I step backwards to lessen the impact of the blow, but _god damn_ she just got me good. I glare at her behind my glasses but keep it cool on the outside. I flash backwards to the fridge, and grab myself one of the shitty fucking swords that just manifest themselves in there. Like, seriously, who buys these crap weapons? Lil' Callie? I don't even fucking know... I look down at the piece of scrap metal only a sucker would consider an actual weapon. It's a fucking broadsword... _who the fuck fights with a broadsword?_ _Ugh_! I don't have time to ponder this trivial piece of shit I'm currently defending myself with, because Sis reaches behind her and pulls her ultimate katana out of it's sheath that she usually has on her back. She lowers her stance and grips her katana with one of her fingerless-gloved hands, using the other as something of a balancer.

I make the first move, coming at her with everything I have, striking as though I want to stab right through her center. She easily blocks, swinging her sword to cut my blade in half. She uses her katana-less hand to grab my ponytail and force me to stare at her. "Explain. Now, Dani." She commands, her voice as smooth as the blade of her katana.

I ignore the impossible burning pain in my skull because of the yanking, and muster a few words. "I got detention." I say bitterly, with my same blank face. Sis releases her death grip on my hair and sheaths her katana and leans back against the wall, motioning for me to continue. I let out a mental sigh. "Some guy in class tried to take my kickin' shades." I begin. "So I obviously grabbed his wrist, pressure pointing him subtly, and the teacher flips out on me. I got detention, and now here I am." I motion to myself and my surrounding like I've just discovered some kind of miracle.

Sis shakes her head then nods towards my clothes, slightly dirty and dusty... from getting knocked over by a certain red-eyed annoyance. "You do not trip, Dani." She prods, obviously getting impatient... well not _obviously_, it's pretty subtle to everyone but me...

I was hoping she would just leave it at that, but _no_ I guess it's just 'Hate Dani Day', huh? "I walked home with some kid from detention, he bumped into me, that's it." I glare at her, as I see her lips curl into her signature sarcastic 'Sis Strider' smirk, she should really get a patent on that.

"Oh, so you just thought it would be a grand idea to walk home with a little delinquent boy?" She's probably rolling her eyes at me...

"Yeah, Sis, that's _exactly _what I thought. I just wandered out of detention thinking 'Hey, I should go grab one of those meat-headed dumbasses and skip my way home with him on my arm!'" Sarcasm drips off my words like a waterfall of 'Fuck you, Sis' and she brushes it off with a shake of her head.

"Listen, Lil sister. I don't give a shit what you were thinking. I'm gonna tell you once. Stay away from those little punks, okay?" Her words are sharp. "By the way, your ass is mine if you get in trouble again." She warns me with a grim face and flashes out the door with a dangerous slam. I see she left her katana by the door, with a grinning Lil' Callie sitting on top of the handle... bitch is making sure I don't touch her stuff, who wants to touch her sword anyways? I glare at the magnificent piece of masterful otaku-dom and open the door to my room. I'm hit in the face by a thousand of the plushest rumps man has ever seen-er... felt. I feel the rage start to boil in my veins as I wade my way through the fuck-ton of these motherfuckers to reach my laptop. I swim back out to the hallway, pushing the stupid plushies into the hallway. I growl as I kick one into a wall, and it's rump rickashays off and blasts back at my face. I catch it with one hand and toss it to the floor. _Hell no. I have had far too much plush rump in my face for one afternoon, thank you so gogdamn much. _I huff mentally and make my way to the roof of my building. When I'm a safe distance from the plushy hell that is currently my apartment, I set my laptop down and sit down in front of it. When I open it up I see I've gotten pestered by Rose, John, and Terezi.

- tentacalTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]-

TT: Salutations, my 'sister' what are you up to on this fine afternoon?

TG: not fucking much

TT: You seem quite upset, might I inquire as to why?

TG: inquire all you want

TG: i was gonna rant to you anyways

TT: I'm listening.

TG: before you break out your little psycho-analysis notebook I just know you have hidden in your skirt pockets

TG: it's no big thing

TG: plush rumps and bastard sibling aside

TG: it's only mildly annoying

TT: I'm assuming the 'it' you are referring to is a certain cynical boy you met in detention?

(Pause for the moment I blink at that)

TG: does word seriously spread that quickly?

TT: Well, I could go into a strenuous and lengthy explanation of how this information circulated to me...

TG: no, please do go on

TG: i am just on the edge of my gogdamned seat wondering just how the fuck this shit went down.

TT: Well, Nepeta (dear sweet girl is getting ahead of herself) explained her monumental shipping achievement to Equius, who in turn felt obligated to tell Gamzee because Karkat is his 'Best Motherfucking Friend' and Gamzee told Tavros, who thought it was adorable and had to tell Jade. And you can see where it went from then on.

TG: …

TT: I know.

TG: no, you really don't

TT: Elaborate?

TG: you see, i am currently choking the copious amount of bullshit that just spouted out of my computer screen.

TG: drowning in the profuse quantity of fucking crap I am rereading in a futile attempt to understand just how in the

TG: FUCK

TG: that just happened...

TT: Have I ever told you that your generous vocabulary is only outshined by your ability to cuss harder than a drunken sailor?

TG: it may have been mentioned

TT: Well I would once again like to attempt an applause at both your vast vocabulary and insurmountable dictionary of cursing.

TT: I am, right at this moment, clapping very slowly.

TT: And just as slowly, speeding up, into a quickly paced applause.

TT: It is almost as though there is a grand crowd behind me, joining into this ruckus and strengthening the uproar.

TG: and i am slowly rising to my feet

TG: and when i reach my feet

TG: it seems the clamour is at it's height

TG: until I bow my head

TG: and the crowd erupts into hoots and hollers at my majesty

TT: Yes, indeed. That is exactly what happens.

TG: on another note

TG: i guess everyone knows now?

TT: Yes.

TG: this was inevitable wasn't it?

TT: There was nary a chance of escape for you, Karkat, or your imaginary black-red romance.

TG: shit

-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]-

I let out a sigh as I switch windows and begin my conversation with John.

-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TT]-

EB: Dani, you there?

EB: seriously, i know you probably have people pestering you left and right, but i seriously need to have some input on this.

TG: i am most definitely all ears my friend

TG: what do you have to pile onto this cornucopia of fucking horseshit?

EB: well, someone's cranky

TG: oh yes

TG: i am simply seething with rage

TG: I should change my mood from my perpetual smooth nature

TG: to gogdamn rancorous

EB: it's kinda hard to tell if you're being sarcastic or not, dude...

TG: i cannot begin to tell you how many fucks i give about that

TG: would you like to know why?

TG: there are none

EB: sheesh, whatever. i can see you're not in the mood, but i really have to tell you something about Karkat

TG: besides the fact he's a pitiful jackass?

EB: yes! besides that!

TG: so you admit he is a pitiful jackass

EB: would you SHUT UP for a second?

TG:

EB: thanks.

EB: now, he may seem really awful at first. and he is pretty awful after that too... but you shoulder seriously give him a chance! he's a nice guy if you get to know him, and he might seriously be into you.

TG: you know something, Egderp?

EB: what?

TG: now that i think about him in this context

TG: you and him

TG: would be

TG: such a cute couple

EB: DANI MOTHERFUCKING STRIDER!

TG: oh gog

EB: take it BACK you ass!

TG: i've released the beast

TG: the ultimate of all the no-homo defenders

EB: gogdammit!

TG: the John EgBeast!

TG: hahahahahaha

EB: fuck you!

- ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]-

I smirk at my computer and move on to the next contestant on the 'See Who Can Fuck With Who The Most Until One Of You Logs Off Contest!' With your almighty host: Dani Strider!

I pull up the page and think about the huge amount of trouble it took to get Terezi an account. You had to get the mad-hacker Sollux to set up a voice automated typing mechanism, and then put in her 'quirk' and finally get the computer to read the text to her out loud. And to think, she chose a Trollian instead of a Pesterchum...

- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] -

GC: H3Y TH3R3 MY CH3RRY FL4VOR3D FR13ND ;]

TG: sup

GC: H3H3H3, YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T'S UP D4N1.

TG: am i really going to hear more of this shit from you Terezi?

TG: seriously?

GC: D4N1, YOU KNOW 1'M 4LW4YS ON YOUR S1D3, R1GHT?

TG: sure

TG: i get that you're wickedly just and basically the law of our-

TG: the fuck should i call us?

TG: clan or clique or group or some shit

GC: IT R34LLY DO3S NOT MATTER. NOT 1N 4NY C1RCUMS4NC3 1 C4N IM4G1N3. :/

TG: true

TG: so

TG: you were about to stack your opinion on the scale as to whether or not i should 'get with' Karkat?

GC: H4V3 TH4T M4NY P3OPL3 G1V3N YOU TH31R T4K3 ON 1T?

TG: not really actually

TG: but i can feel people talking about it

TG: like some kind of cosmic force is stacking the odds on me and him getting it on

GC: TH4T'S 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF D1STURB1NG

GC: 1F 1 F3LT L1K3 TH4T 1'D PROB4BLY B3 H4NG1NG SC4L3M4T3S L3FT 4ND R1GHT

TG: that is far more disturbing in my opinion

GC: PO1NT M4D3. BUT S3R1OUSLY. D4N1, 1 JUST W4NT TO R3M1ND YOU TH4T

GC: W3LL

GC: 1'M

GC: 1'M 4CTU4LLY

TG: Terezi?

GC: N3V3RM1ND. MY S1ST3R JUST GOT HOM3 4NYW4YS.

TG: okay

TG: i'll see you tomorrow

GC: D4N1 :[

TG: oh

TG: haha

TG: sorry

GC: T4LK TO YOU TOMORROW, COOL K1D. :]

- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-

Woah... it kinda seemed like Terezi had something super important to tell me... didn't it? Your nodding your head, aren't you? Yeah... I thought so too.

Confesion time, whoever the fuck you are. I am Dani Strider, and a really cool blind girl might be in love with me... and I might be in love with a really cool blind girl...


	4. )(andles, Furrends & FUCKASSES

**L here. Your author. Some serious things came up with my friend. So, I hope this makes you smile. I hope it makes you laugh. I hope it distracts you. I hope you like it.**

**Trigger Warnings: Language. Not a lot of non-pesterlogs. A lot of pesterlogs. I'm getting a little slack writing Dani.**

After Terezi left the chat I started doing my homework. Simple stuff, really, English and history. I'm halfway through typing up a paper on the impossibility of an apocalyptic meteor shower, when I get a Trollian.

-cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-

CC: )(ey t)(ere Dani!

TG: hey there cuttlefish culler

CC: O)(! Sorry, I forgot you don't know my )(andle

CC: Guess w)(o? 38)

TG: jegus

TG: Feferi?

CC: )(OW DID YOU KNOW? 38D

TG: the crown

TG: no wait

TG: the goggles sold it

(Feferi is the outrageously bright and peppy girl I know from zoology class. She has tanned skin from hanging by the ocean and a thick mass of hair that's probably damaged from chlorine and saltwater. She has bright hot pink eyes and wears matching hot pink goggles. Oh, and a small golden ringlet tiara.)

CC: T)(AT IS SO COOL! 38DDDD

TG: woah

TG: hold your seahorses, girl

CC: OMC! YOU -EV-EN R-EM-EMB-ER MY NAUTICAL PUNS!

TG: and there goes the tridents

CC: O)( MY COD! )(OW CAN YOU T-ELL!

TG: your mermaid costume you've worn every single Halloween

TG: since elementary school

CC: I -EV-EN )(AD TO -EXPLAIN IT TO SOLLUX! ONLY -ERIDAN GOT IT!

TG: you guys are the pinicle of the pale quadrant

TG: though it boggles the mind as to how you don't brush him off as an irreverable douchenozzel.

CC: 380 ! )(-EY )(-E IS KNOT THAT BAD! I trout you even know somefin bad about )(im! If you got the oportunaty to get to know the bouy, you would dolp)(inatly like )(im!

TG: hell no

CC: You mean s)(ell no! 38)

TG: whatever floats your boat

TG: do not begin fangirling over that pun either

TG: there must have been something you need from me

CC: O)( yeah! I'm gat)(ering all our fronds for a pool party! 38D Your invited!

CC: It's t)(is weekend, you can tell me later if you need to mullet over. Just be s)(ore to let minnow if you're coming!

TG: you only said that to use puns

TG: didn't you?

CC: 38DDD

TG: anyways

TG: who's gonna be there?

CC: )(ere's t)(e guest list!

CC: Eridan, Sollux, Aradia, Equius, Nepeta, Karkat, Gamzee, Tavros, Vriska, Jo)(n, Dani, Terezi, Jade, Rose, and Kanaya.

(There's that name)

TG: did they all say yes?

CC: Yea)( most of t)(em said yes, except for Sollux, Terezi, and Karkat.

(That fucking name again)

CC: I'm talking wit)( Sollux and Karkat rig)(t now!

CC: Sollux is indifferent, but Karfis)( seems -EDG-EY 38D are you two?...

TG: nope

TG: nope x100000

TG: nope x41300000

TG: all of the nope

TG: like i'm stockpiling it for winter

TG: keep myself damn cozy in that mound of nope

CC: 38/ Dani...

TG: don't start

TG: just come out and say it

TG: were you for it?

CC: 38)

CC: I was )(oping...

TG: not happening

CC: 38( t)(ats sad, you guys would be cute toget)(er

TG: bye, Feferi

CC: I'll see you at t)(e party rig)(t?

TG: yeah

TG: sounds cool

-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]-

She sends me another message but I don't look at it, probably just another emoticon

By the time I finish my paper I've gotten three 'trolls.' One more from Feferi, one for Nepeta, and one from a 'carcinoGeneticist.' I check the one from Nepeta first.

-arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-

AC: :33 *ac clawtiously appurroaches her furrend tg*

TG: yes

TG: approach as 'clawtiously' as possible

TG: you adorably kind-hearted little cat-girl

AC: :33 *ac tilts her head and pawnders ofur whether that was an insult or purraise*

TG: that is as insulting as i can say to you

TG: even though i am pissed as hell

AC: :33 I'm pawfully sorry *ac apawlogizes furry sweetly*

TG: yeah

TG: whatever

TG: i guess it's cool

AC: :33 *ac rubs against her furrend with a purr*

TG: i'm still not rping with you

AC: :33 *ac furrowns and shys away from tg*

TG: enough of that

TG: anyways

TG: you're coming to Feferi's party

TG: right?

AC: :33 *ac nods* yep, Fefurry invited me a little bit ago.

TG: good

TG: you can settle this black-red catastrophe there

AC: :33 *ac purrks up at 'cat'astrophe* you did a pun!

TG: yes

TG: ironically

AC: :33 *ac pawnces fur joy as she nods* purrfect!

TG: i think

TG: if you do one more *rp*

TG: I'm gonna leave

AC: :33 that's no fun!

TG: better

AC: :33 *ac growls in angrrrr*

AC: h33h33h33

-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]-

I pull up what Feferi sent me, just to check before I reverse troll this poor bastard who decided he wanted to try and punk the master.

- cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-

CC: Can i give Karkat your )(andle?

(a bit later)

CC: I gave it to )(im! 38D )(ope you don't mind!

-cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-

Oh, fuck my life.

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]-

CG: HEY FUCKASS

TG: oh joyous days

TG: i've found myself an actual troll

CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

TG: most of my friends have Trollians

TG: because

TG: fuck logic

CG: I AM AWARE OF THIS YOU BRIGHT RED EYESORE

CG: THIS IS KARKAT VANTAS

TG: fuck

CG: BUBBLY BITCH GAVE ME YOUR HANDLE. IT SUITS YOU TO COMPARE YOUR FATASS SELF TO A "GODHEAD."

TG: and it's even more fitting for your handle to be synonymous with a deadly disease

TG: don't bring a knife to a gunfight, numbnuts

CG: UGH, THIS IS FAR MORE ANNOYING THAN I HAD ANTICIPATED. MY BROTHER WOULD SAY I'VE BEEN TRIGGERED. BUT I REFUSE TO FUCKING FALL FOR HIS SENSITIVE-ASS BULLSHIT.

TG: i think you've confused me

TG: with someone who cares

CG: ENOUGH OF THE ALOOF BULLSHIT. I CAME TO ASK YOU A LEGITIMATE QUESTION. HOW MANY DUMBASSES HAVE TOLD YOU THEY SUPPORT THIS FICTITIOUS MATESPRIT-MESIS?

TG: two

TG: John and Feferi

TG: you?

CG: THE FISHY BITCH, AUTISTIC CAT-GIRL, LAME EGBASTARD, PEPPY-ASS FAIRY GIRL, SIMPERING PARAPLEGIC, FURRY WOLF GIRL, AND EVEN THE PALE-AS-HELL FASHIONISTA ARE FOR IT.

TG: i knew i felt a disturbance in the force

CG: WHAT?

TG: hey

TG: don't knock star wars

TG: motherfucking lightsabers, dude

CG: OH DEAR GOG

(Pause for the moment I reread that)

TG: you say gog too?

CG: YEAH, EVERYONE IN OUR GROUP SAYS IT. EXCEPT THAT ANNOYING NAUTICAL FISH-DUO, SAYING 'COD' LIKE DUMBASSES.

TG: how have we not met if we hang with the same crowd?

CG: I'VE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THAT SAME QUESTION

CG: I'VE NARROWED IT DOWN TO THE HYPOTHESIS THAT BOTH OF US WERE VERY INTROVERTED FOR THE MAJORITY OF MIDDLE SCHOOL.

CG: I KNOW I WAS.

(I suppose I owe you a backstory, whoever you are.

{Cue flashback music of choice}

When I was in middle school, not a a lot of people talked to me because of my appearance. I was the super-aloof athletic albino chick that no one bullied or really talked about. Only Rose and sometimes her girlfriend, Kanaya, would even bother to acknowledge my existence. Not that I minded. I was, and am, a cool motherfucker when it comes to people being absolute jackasses to me. It's when they bother my friends that it gets me. Which brings me to my first real friend.

It was a scorching hot afternoon, my gym class was forced outside to either walk laps and sweat like pigs, or play basketball and sweat like pigs. Most of the class was walking around the track, and a few of the other boys played a pickup game. They asked me hesitantly if I wanted to play, to even up the teams, but I said no and grabbed my own ball. I headed to a hoop diagonal to the one they were playing at and began practicing my shots. One after the other, my shots made it in, nothing but net every single time. As I let go of the ball and it swished in the net once again, I suddenly acquired an audience. A single person clapped on the sidelines, a girl I had only seen around because she was hard to miss. She had short black hair, wild and slightly curled out at the ends. She had red shades with obviously blind eyes behind them, facing toward me. And she wore a black shirt with a weird teal symbol, and loose black pants. Not the mention the dragon cane is her one hand and the red dog leash in the other. "Why'd you stop?" She asks with a cackle-giggle that I thought was...kinda cute... "I love that swishing sound!" She sat down next to the court with a grin, her dog next to her.

I think I might've genuinely smiled at that... but she couldn't have seen it even if I had.

In the end Terezi's never ending positivity introduced me to a lot of new people, I ow her a lot.)

TG: yeah

TG: i spent my time in the gym

CG: THAT EXPLAINS IT. I WAS IN THE LIBRARY, ON THE OPPOSITE END OF THE SCHOOL. I HARDLY EVER LEFT THAT PLACE. IT WAS FUCKING FANTASTIC, BOOKS EVERYWHERE. THE LIBRARIAN DIDN'T EVEN HATE ME.

TG: that seems impossible to me

CG: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TG: nah

TG: by the way

TG: could you and john maybe get together?

TG: the yaoi fanclub demands it

CG: WHY WOULD I DATE THAT BASTARD

TG: …

CG: WHAT?

TG: …

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DANI?

TG: why didn't you give the no-homo signal?

CG: I'M A BISEXUAL, DIPSHIT. I'VE GONE OUT WITH BOYS BEFORE.

TG: woah... who in gog's name would go out with you?

CG: I'M FUCKING ATTRACTIVE.

CG: AND ALSO CHARMING AS FUCKING HELL, OBVIOUSLY THE BOYS AND THE GIRLS ARE FUCKING LINING UP TO GET WITH ME.

TG: pfft

CG: THE FUCK WAS THAT?

TG: ahhahahaha

TG: you obnoxious little fuck

TG: let me ask you

TG: number on the kinsey scale?

CG: DEAD THREE. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

TG: probably about a 4.5

CG: SO YOU LIKE CHICKS THAT MUCH? WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED.

TG: i don't know, why are you not surprised?

CG: …

TG: you've heard things?

CG: WHO DOESN'T HEAR THINGS?

TG: Nepeta's sister

TG: now spit it out

CG: FINE! JEGUS FUCKASS.

CG: I HEARD A RUMOR YOU AND TEREZI WERE GOING OUT. ONE OF THE PREPS FOUND YOU GUYS MAKING OUT IN THE BATHROOM OR SOME SHIT.

TG: … those people have nothing better to do

CG: THAT IS SO FUCKING TRUE

TG: me and Terezi...

TG: well

TG: it's none of your business anyways

CG: NO. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME NOW. I AM JUST RIDICULOUS AND UTTERLY ENRAPTURED BY THIS 'JUICY GOSSIP' ON YOU AND THE BLIND GIRL GETTING IT ON IN PUBLIC AREAS.

CG: ALLOW ME A MINUTE TO FETCH A PEN AND PAPER SO I MAY DOCUMENT THIS MOMENT FOR POSTERITY. SO THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD AND THE FUTURE GENERATIONS MAY KNOW THE MIND BOGGLING ANSWER TO THE QUESTION

CG: 'IS DANI STRIDER LESBIAN FOR TEREZI PYROPE'

TG: allow me a second to get up on a giant podium and clear my throat

TG: let that shit echo for a bit

TG: and then finally i'll say

TG: 'go fuck yourself with a cactus you miniscule excuse for an annoyance'

-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]-


	5. Backstories Upon Backstories

**Gog I am tired. -.- Midterms are a biiiiiiiitch. School is dumber than dumb. Too tired to make witty remarks *le ZzZzZ***

**Triggers: Language, slight gore?, sadstuck?, fluffeh, skipping back and forth through stories, explainaaaatiooooons, plot=none**

The next two days were a blur of inconsequential classes and a whole lot of gossip that managed to stay almost entirely behind my back. Karkat and I never ran into each other. Terezi had lunch detentions both days. It is now Friday: ergo the day the shit hit the fan was Tuesday, if you're a bit slow. It's first period, and I'm in honors english with Kanaya, Rose, and Jade. The teacher gave us a free period for writing and reading so: Kanaya has out a large book with a long titles and small print, Rose has out her journal and a squiddle pencil, and Jade has out her ever-present laptop writing up a fanfiction.

Rose and Kanaya are less than obviously playing footsie under the table, and whenever Kanaya giggled a bit the whole class seemed to stare and think 'weirdo lesbians should keep it in the closet' to which I replied by snapping a pencil very loudly and striding to the trashcan before turning back to see the whole class gaping at me. I guess they don't see mechanical pencils get snapped that often. When I walk back Jade's bright green eyes are glimmering at me in happiness, Rose's magenta eyes are locked onto her journal (but I can see the hint of a smile on her black lips) and Kanaya's jade eyes are re-trained on her book but I can see her sharp canines glinting in a smirk. I take it as a sign that I've done well and sit back in my seat, kicking my feet up onto another empty chair. The rest of the class resumes whispering about our creepy table until the bell rings.

The teacher says we should have a good weekend. Jade waves at her and returns the sentiment, Jade is pretty nice. Well... she borders on goody-two-shoes half of the time, so you'd have to wonder why she hangs out with our crowd. You see Harley seems pretty sweet and nice, and she is, but there was a time in middle school when the whole 6th grade class got to make a game for a sort of carnival. She and a boy named Eridan Ampora made a game. They both were really into long range rifles for some gog forsaken reason, and so they made a shooting game. You know, with cork rifles and things on stands a few feet away. Only problem: Eridan wanted to use whales as targets. Jade heavily protested; but if you have ever heard Eridan Ampora _whine_ you'd know why she eventually gave in. No one would play; except Eridan and Jade.

Jade felt pretty bad about using the poor endangered species as targets, but _somebody_ needed to stop Eridan's bragging about his being the best shooter on the planet. And damn did she. I think Harley seriously put a hole in a dozen of those little bean-bag whales... Eridan didn't exactly lose without a fight. I think the only reason she won is because she took both rifles and shot two at a time... impressive is the least I could say. He eventually accepted defeat and to this day looks at Jade with just a bit of respect.

Anyways. That's just how I chose to distract you, whoever you are, from the fact that I'm bored as hell sitting in history. I see Tavros and Gamzee canoodling over in the corner where no one dares look. Oh, goody, another distracting story: The story of Gamzee Makara.

You see: Makara has always been a little bit... off. Never bought into the whole 'fitting in' thing, and as I hear; Gamzee's pretty fucking rich. A real high class motherfucker, from a 'good' family. From what I can tell the Makara's are eccentric well-off people who really like face paint and weird... food... if you can call it food. They own some kind of a soda franchise that is apparently under investigation for illegal ingredients. Fajo? Fago? I don't remember... Aside from that, I think the Makara children have some kind of a legacy for mental breakdowns. Gamzee once attacked a group of kids on the streets with his juggling clubs that he uses as a street act. Why a rich boy needs a street act: one shall never understand. In his defense: those punks he beat up are lucky they made it to a hospital before they took a one-way ticket to jail. They were attacking a boy, calling him a 'faggot' and 'gay cripple' one guess who it was...

I'm hoping you chose Tavros, cause if you didn't you might need to be checked out for a serious case of the stupids.

It's true. Tavros was saved by none other than the stoner boy. I'm as surprised as you. I give the clown-ass bastard props, and all the respect possible. He still hates me, hell if I know why. I think he 'trolled' me once or twice, and I pestered him once before he was sick of me. He doesn't really have a good taste in music, is all I can say.

Thank gog that killed enough time. Gamzee wheels Tavros out without looking in my direction, and Tavros gives me a small wave. I nod at them before packing up and walking out too.

Another story for the walk to science? Well, whoever you are, aren't you pushy. I guess I don't really mind.

Feferi Peixes. Peixes. Not ringing a bell? How about the richest of the rich. The family that on paper probably owns half of the Pacific Ocean. The ones that own the Betty Crocker company and the Oceanic Animal Rights company. BC and OAR are the biggest profit and non-profit organizations I can think of at the moment. Perhaps because Mrs. Mama Peixes is the hottest woman alive? Or maybe because she's actually an evil mastermind attempting to hold the world under her family's monarchy? It depends entirely on what magazine you read. I prefer the theory that Mrs. Peixes is the biggest shark in the business, and the best baker this side of the galaxy. I met her once, in elementary, when she brought in cakes for a class party for Feferi's birthday party. (This is back when Feferi was kind of snobby, arrogant, and knew how to get what she wanted when she wanted it. Hell of an heiress, almost as 'wonderful' as her bigger sister.) I'm a bit apprehensive towards the tall woman with a mass of shiny black hair similar to Feferi's who wore a black pantsuit with magenta pinstripes, mostly because: she radiates power. Popular girls flocked to Old-Feferi to try and arrange some sort of friendship deal so they could bask in the presence of such an inspirational woman. Old-Feferi loved the attention.

Going past her mother. The attention faded when Feferi showed her love of fish. The girl _reely_ loves her fish. Now: it took a while, it seriously took awhile, for the popular idiots to realise that Feferi was using fish puns. Hell if they even knew what puns were: but Feferi used a lot. When they did catch on, they laughed at her, and no amount of power and money could stop people from talking behind your back (Mama Peixes begs to differ but) _no amount of anything could stop the inevitable heartbreak. _Feferi Peixes was a broken little girl. I watched it happen. I might feel a twinge of guilt for it, but I knew that time would work in her favor. It took a day for Feferi to be alone on the playground. It took a day for one boy to walk up to her. A boy in a _Stupid Purple Cape. _I didn't hear their conversation from my end of the playground where I lounged by the tetherball poles, but from the way Feferi's face lit up... he punned. He punned _hard._ She must have been the happiest girl on the playground that day. I think I might have chuckled at how exuberant she was.

That day moirails were matched. Sweet enough to rot your teeth, huh?

And here I am sitting in my zoology class: looking at the overly hot-pink girl as she glubs at the fish behind our seats with an infectious grin. She's certainly something, with her ringlet tiara and her bright goggles and the neon colored skirt that flows like water. Not to mention the hair. Oh gog, the hair. I watch it swish back and forth, the dark locks are too thick to comprehend... too long to ever brush entirely... the painful effort it must take, what with how much time she spends under the water, to keep it managed.

The bell rings and Feferi glubs a goodbye to the fish before picking up her hot pink bag covered in painted seashells and swimming to the door to flow with the river of people... she'd be proud of that metaphor...

Oh the four minutes between classes, shall ye never cease to amaze this reader?

I'm going to art class, whoever you are, a wild guess as to who's there?

Nepeta Leijon.

Let's say there was a small girl named Nepeta (completely figuratively speaking) and she has the tendency to be eccentric and wild, and overall very positive. You'd fit her into the category where she would hang out with Feferi and they'd have a never-ending pun competition. Or maybe you'd watch her hang out with someone like Tavros, who share's her thing for animals (though he's allergic to cats) and they'd have fun rping together. She'd be that girl, right?

Well... she is... but in reality she spends most of her time with a large... smelly... sweaty... strong... teenage boy.

Equius Zahhak...

There is both not a lot, and a hell of a lot to say about this boy. Tall, muscular, pale skinned with long black hair, and cracked sunglasses. He's... uhh... let's leave it at the fact we don't really converse often. He's kind of a prude, doesn't like my language, sort of quiet, very protective, and strange... in the kind of way that just makes you look at him like: What in the fuck? All I can really say about him for certain is the fact that if he and I got in a fight... I'd probably have to limp away, but he wouldn't get off without a scratch. I've had him in gymclass, and once I hit him in the face with a ball. His retaliation was to scowl, showing off a few missing teeth, and chuck one at me. I of course dodged, I'm Dani motherfucking Strider for fuck's sake. But the boy behind me was not as lucky, and I think he was toppled over for about 15 minutes. Lesson, learned.

And he's a math question, whoever you are:

Nepeta Leijon + Equius Zahhak = ?

Once upon a time, in a land called Middle School there was a fair maiden named Nepeta. She was the darn cutest little thing anyone in the kingdom had ever seen. Small in size and big in heart. The kind of girl a normal preteenage girl looks at and says: _I'll totally take advantage of her kindess. _Nepeta was used for chores like art homework and fetching things. Like Cinderella except instead of just two evil stepsisters, Nepeta had infinitely many. She was fine with them being that way, who even cares? Until one day Nepeta forgot to do something for the biggest step sister. All the stepsisters ganged up on her and started to beat her up, one super badass assassin from the kingdom was about to step in when the village executioner stepped in. The executioner, named Equius, was famed for his ability to break desks with ease. The stepsisters fled before they were too badly hurt by the massive boy. When Equius was hesitant to help Nepeta up, she cringed thinking he was going to hurt her too. The big bad executioner simply shushed her and held out his hand. The young maiden looked past the cracked sunglasses to find the beautiful soul of her savior, and reached out to grasp it. The badass assassin walked away before she puked from the sweetness.

The answer is: Moirails.

As I sit down and look at Nepeta drawing a picture of a girl in a tattered green dress and a taller figure dressed in a strong color of blue. The similarity of their positioning is uncanny. Equius, not exactly picking up the sentimental vibe, is drawing a horse with one of his special metal pencils. Also in my art class is Jade, seemly sketching something, and on the opposite end of the room of Nepeta, Equius and I is Gamzee... fingerpainting? I have to emphasize the _opposite end of the room_ part. What with the fact I've already finished my new addition to the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff saga, I guess I can explain this to you.

In a strange twist of events, almost everyone in our little... whatever you wanna call it (group, clique, whatever) has an older sibling around the same age. They're all Seniors so we hardly ever see them around, and when we do we try to ignore them... Nepeta's sibling is her older sister, named Meulin. Meulin is like a foxy version of Nepeta, except ten times louder. Makara's sibling is his brother named Kurloz. Kurloz is sort of a cooler version of Gamzee.

About two years ago, when all of us were in middle school and the siblings were sophomores, Meuloz/Kurlin was a thing, like, a Nepeta's shipping wall worthy thing. In the red quadrant, if not just slightly tinted pale. Nepeta could've sworn it was her OTP, even Mama Leijon was okay with this relationship. And one night when the two of them had fallen asleep watching Doctor Who in Meulin's room, in the same bed. Nepeta and Mama Leijon were out, Mama Leijon at work and Nepeta at Equius's house for a sleepover. According to the rumour Kurloz woke up after having a horrifying nightmare he woke up screaming. Meulin was startled awake at first, then as she tried to calm him down, she realized that the ringing in her ears was fading into silence, even as Kurloz's mouth hung open in his seemingly endless scream. She tried desperately to calm him down, hugging him with tears streaming down her face. When Kurloz was back in control of his actions... he noticed Meulin hanging off him and weeping too loudly. There were tears all over her face... and blood dripping from her ears. Kurloz tried to comfort her, saying all the sweet nothings he usually did when his beloved Meulin was upset, but when their eyes finally met, they both realized something...

Meulin was deaf.

Kurloz called 911. They went to the hospital, Mama Leijon and Mr. Makara were called from work. Gamzee and Nepeta brought to the hospital too. Words were exchanged... words were screamed... but Meulin couldn't hear them. Kurloz just sat there and stared at her, she tried to smile at him, tried to tell him it was okay, but he seemed deaf to it too.

Nepeta... Nepeta is not a weakling. Nepeta was furious. Nepeta and Gamzee literally got into a fight. Gamzee had scars on his face for weeks after. Nepeta didn't care. She went after Kurloz, Gamzee pushed her to the floor. Gog forbid Equius ever heard about that one.

Mama Leijon is a kind person. She's a religious and forgiving person, but I'd never put her in a room with Mr. Makara after that. The Makara's might be rich, but the Leijon's do not give up easily.

One day after that Kurloz sewed his mouth shut. There are rumours he chewed his tongue off.

Somehow... they managed to get back together. Kurloz is not allowed in the Leijon house. Meulin is not exactly welcomed in the Makara house.

And the bell rings. I see the olive green and indigo eyes clash, and walk through the gaze so there isn't some kind of massacre in art class. Equius would probably snap some clown limbs. I let out a slight sigh and begin on my way to technology. This day is far more exhausting than I was hoping... Well, are you up for yet another story?

How about the story of Aradia Misfit Megido. The ghost. She is the embodiment of everything I love about goths... or she was... Aradia was always a little odd, always a little separate from everyone. Her oriental skin is only slightly more tan than Kanaya's, and she drifts around almost unnoticed, hence the title 'ghost' I think the first time I saw her she was wandering around the no-mans-land part of the playground in elementary. The girl that wore all black, had dark brown-red eyes and had long dark red hair... no one spoke to her, she had already acquired a reputation from her sister. Then a stupendously dark-humored nerd walked up to her. They sat in the grass and talked a bit, from what I could hear they were sharing stories about voices in their heads. I never judge, but I was interested. I think they were holding hands before we were called back inside. But the matespritship didn't stick, and faded into best-friendship bordering on Moirailiangence. Aradia was turned much peppier ever since she and Vriska started being Kismesises, their relationship is pretty official, I see bite marks on Vriska and scratches on Aradia sometimes. Aradia's been wearing more dark red than black and I think she's really into the scarlet fairy wings printed on the back of her favorite jacket. She's transformed from the ghost, into the fairy.

I'm currently watching a techy-geek typing a million miles a minute on his keyboard, codes that I could never hope to understand. Next to him is Aradia, doing the project diligently, and trying to hide the fresh scratches on her arms with a slight blush. The geek's name is Sollux Captor.

Oh, Captor. He's harder to explain... he's not from a well off family, he's actually kind of low class. He wears 3D glasses all the time, and from the rumours, he has mismatched eyes. From what I've gathered he hangs out with Feferi (they're ex's but they're friends) Aradia, Karkat, and he's in a Kismesitude with Eridan... probably... they get caught in drunk-makeouts at parties sometimes, and they try to claw each other's eyes out sometimes... quadrant flipping... ugh, I'm leaving the shipping to Nepeta. Captor has bipolar disorder, and probably split personality disorder... which explains the quadrant flipping... 2+2=4... besides that I think he's decently normal. Oh wait! His nickname was lispy from elementary to middle school... he does seriously have a killer lisp, though, I once heard him say "Th-he thellth theath-health by the thea th-hore" (she sells seashells by the sea shore) for Feferi to make her laugh. It worked. Hell, if he did it three times fast I'd probably laugh too.

And there goes technology class... at least this is semi-productive... distracting me from the stupidity of classes.

I have math next and then lunch and then study hall before getting the fuck out of here. Terezi has to serve one more lunch detention for gog-knows what, and I'm _not_ getting held up again for some bullshit detention. So I might as well explain someone else.

I walk by a hot blond wearing a black shirt and a short cerulean blue skirt with black spiderweb tights and black pirate-style boots, she has a necklace of blue dice and bright blue eyes framed by glasses, one lense tinted as sunglasses.

The infamous Vriska Serket. Do I even want to go there? Whoever you are, please don't make me tell this story...

Fine. So Vriska is a rich-bitch, by all categories, she has always been who she is. She and Kanaya used to be moirails... sort of. It was more one-sided, Vriska took advantage of Kanaya's crush on her (without really noticing, mind you) and used it so Kanaya would happily be her moirail. In the end, Vriska crossed the line with using one of Kanaya's gifts to try and go out with Tavros. But, Vriska is all in all pretty okay besides the fact she and Terezi have a sort of black-crush going on that I can't say I like. She's a decent fighter, pretty cool to hang out with, and is always quick to know what she wants.

As I sit here in math class I feel the lack of sleep I had last night catch up with me. I'm lucky the bell rings before my forehead hits the desk. I decide to chill in the nurse's office for lunch, she usually lets me sleep if there's an empty bed.

Maybe I'll talk to you when I wake up, whoever you are, g'night.


	6. Bathing Suits, Pool Fights & Moirails

**Well there are three things I never expected to do in my life: Detail bathing suits for homestuck girls, write with such blatant disregard for the laws of literature, and write moirailangence fluff. Fuck all of that, it happened anyways.**

**A special thanks to SerenMakara for reminding me I actually do this to get reviews... so review if you like it: easy as fucking pie. **

**Trigger Warnings: Excessive outfit descriptions, Fuckton of cussing, OOC? (Don't really think so) and me having a dandy time both writing unintelligent pool-fights and creating awful Ship names.**

When I wake up in the morning it's dark... wait... is that felt I feel on my face? "GOG DAMMIT!" I shout as I dig my way out of the plush pile of rumps. I slap the ones off my face first and the rest of them are shoved off my bed. "Sis..." I mutter, brushing my now wild hair out of my face. I groan and move to dig some clothes off the floor from under both the smuppets and the rest of the garbage I never bother to clean up. I find my normal clothes and toss them over my shoulder. Today is Saturday, which means I get to go to Fef's for the party. Her parties usally start at like 5:00 and end... whenever. So I might as well dig out my swim-suit and shit because as I look at the clock it reads 4:13... In my defense, I stayed up late finishing a SB&HJ comic and practicing my sweet rhymes. Gonna spit some sick-ass fires tonight. I crack a small smirk as I find the red box that Kanaya gave me after school yesterday. I haven't opened it yet, but she said I 'Simply Must Wear It To Feferi's Party!' so whatever. I open it to find a see-through white dress that looks like it would leave nothing to the imagination (I stare at that in horror) and then a red bikini bottom that would be pretty modest, almost like shorts except reeeeeally short-shorts (that ones okay, i guess) and a strapless red bikini top that looks kinda similar to a sports bra (I approve.) So... yeah... why the fuck not?

I slip off my red oversized T-shirt and put on Kanaya's gift. Even the cover-up... which is an improper name for something that covers _nothing,_ but screw accuracy. I walk out of my room and kick the smuppets out with me. I roll my eyes as I see Sis sitting and drinking some black coffee. She doesn't look up from the manga she's reading to acknowledge me. I think I could sneak out... except I need a ride... well fuck my life.

"Yo sis." I catch her attention. She looks over at me, and I can feel her eyes widen underneath her anime shades. "Can you give me a ride?" I ask cooly.

She sets down the coffee and the book to move over to me. I kinda freeze up as she circles me once. "Where in the hell do you think you're going?" She asks me in a flat tone.

"I'm going to Feferi's place." I tell her just as flatly.

She comes in front of me and takes off her shades... ohhh gog. Her creamsicle orange eyes look me straight in mine, they are stoic and measured, and they are so much better than mine. I take off my shades too, so she know's I'm on her level. "Dani Strider." She begins. "Are you seriously leaving this house looking like that?" I nod, she frowns a bit and her eyes become half-lidded in a cold glare. "So Piexes is throwing a party?" I nod again. "I'm just gonna go ahead and assume the little Lalonde's girlfriend made you that." I nod once more and she exhales in a disappointed way. "Lil sis, if shit goes down at this party are you prepared?" I snort and nod again. She rolls her eyes and shrugs. "I trust you." I blink at her once and she ruffles my hair, as she pulls away some of it gets caught in her fingers. "You didn't even try to brush your hair did you?" I groan.

She hands me my glasses and shoves me back to my room with a silent order of 'look fucking presentable' and I follow the order. I brush out my long platinum hair and pull it into a high ponytail with a white band and look around my room for something else to use. On the floor by my feet is an unused lipgloss and across the room is an old bracelet I never wear. I kick the lipgloss into the air and snatch it on my way over to the bracelet. I slap the old red chain-link bracelet with a headphone charm, record charm, and music note charms onto my wrist quickly while looking at the pale colored lipgloss in my hand.

"To look like a douche, or to not look like a douche? That is the question." I mutter and think about it for about five seconds before Sis slams open the door.

"Dani, hurry the fuck up, I put motherfucking pants on for this shit." She sneers and I notice that she did actually put on some black pants instead of walking around in her underwear like she usually does on her days off. She looks at the lipgloss and back at me. "Here." She takes it from me and bends down a little to apply it. I stand rigid through this because like: Dafuq? My Sis just fucking put my lipgloss on for me. "There, now let's get the fuck out of here before I'm compelled to braid your hair or some weirdass shit." She says, grabbing me and dragging me out of the room. I grab my sports bag while she does and we're out of the door and to her motorcycle in a flash.

Luckily I have this bag ready all the times because who knows when my friends call up and ask to hang out. She hands me her orange helmet and gets on the black ride so I can sit behind her. I do and wrap my arms around her waist. She revs it up before we speed out of the driveway.

About 30 minutes of badass later: We get to the rich part of town. We live closer to the uhhh, not so rich side. We pass by a bunch of huge steel gates before arriving at a massive gold one. tridents for bars and cuttlefish at the top with the name "PIEXES" in an arch above the doors. Sis's face remains stoney throughout the whole time where the gates open and the long driveway sprawls out ahead of us. She drives me up and when I hop off the bike and hand her the helmet she gives me one final glance and a nod before driving away.

The doors to the Piexes mansion swing open and out jumps a mass of thick dark hair, pastel colors and glubbing-giggles. "DANI! I'M SO EXCITED YOU CA-" She skids to a stop right as she was about to glomp me. I stood there prepared for her to suddenly hug attack me agai- "YOU LOOK SO CUTE!" She squeals and jumps at me with a tight hug. "KANAYA MADE ME ONE TOOOOO!" She releases me and jumps up and down for a bit before grabbing my hand and dragging me back inside. "I'm soooooo happy you came! No one but Eridan is here yet!" She skips while I walk beside her, wrist still firmly in her grasp.

She drags me up a flight of stairs and down a hallway to a very bright pink door covered in blue and green seashells which she swings open and shouts, "DANI'S HERE!" in the highest pitched voice I can think of. Lying on a couch in her room with a scowl is a certain hipster boy.

"Hello commoner." He greets unenthusiastically. I roll my eyes at him under my shades but remain stoney-faced. His eyes widen behind those thick glasses of his as he looks me up and down. "W-wwoww." And there goes the quirk of his, his drawn out w's are possibly the ban of my existence.

"Whatever fishbait." I say and sit next to Feferi on her bed as she bounces up and down a little. She has a magenta box in her hands and she looks like she's dying to open it. "Fefe-" I'm cut of by fishbreath.

"Fef, open the fuckin box already." He groans and messes with his purple scarf boredly. "Even I'm gettin tired of that."

She narrows her hot pink eyes at him. "Don't be such a glubbing buzz-krill, Eri!" She sticks out her tongue at him but looks down at the box once again and this time lifts the top off of it. "Oh... my... COD!" She screams and jumps off the bed, top of the box flying to the floor and I get a face full of hair that was wildly thrown around in joy. "LOOK!" She holds up a hot pink swimsuit.

Do I have to detail this to you? _(AN: I really don't want this story to turn into My Immortal with the clothes thing... Well fuck it, I'm a designer so fuck yo rules :P)_ Fine.

It's a one-piece swimsuit with one shoulder that would cover everything but her back and then flows into a skirt similar to Feferi's own. "THIS IS GLUBBING FINTASTIC! FANGILLING SO HARD RIGHT NOW!" She fake-passes out onto the bed and once again I get a face full of heiress hair. Lovely.

Eridan lets out and sigh and gets up, his long purple cape draping behind him overdramatically as usual. "Go fuckin try it on, then." He says, pulling her up gently and pushing her towards a door to a huge looking bathroom attached to her room. He shuts the door behind the glubbing girl and lets out a sigh.

We stand/sit there in an awkward as all fuck silence until she comes out with a slam of her door and begins hyperventilating. "How do I look?" She asks the famed question.

Eridan is currently gaping at her in this swimsuit that hugs all of her rather subtle curves and really draws to her... boobs, okay? I fucking said it. This swimsuit was made for this girl. Literally, but anyways props to Kanaya for being a fucking beast. I subtly hit Eridan on the shoulder as I raise her a thumbs up. He stutters out a 'Good' and Feferi brightens up immeasurably.

She glubs on about all the things she has prepared for this and I kinda zone out as I mentally prepare myself for one thing: That screaming motherfucker is going to be here, and see me in this skimpy bathing suit... okay so maybe it's not skimpy, but fucking still.

About a half hour after this, a buzzing rings through the giant mansion and Feferi runs out of the door faster than humanly possible, leaving the middle of a sentence hanging in the air and once again allowing the awkwardest silence yet sink into the room. Eridan lets out a long sigh and motions for me to follow him as he walks out of the room. "Come on, she ain't gonna wwant everyone in her room." He tells me and I follow his dramatic exit with a blank expression.

When we walk back down the stairs we find Kanaya, Rose and Terezi at the door. Feferi is glubbing thanks yous at Kanaya who is simply and elegantly insisting it's fine. Kanaya is in an elegant jade one-piece suit with cuts down the sides and a see-through black cover up. Rose is next to her with a small smile, in a black bikini top and a dark purple skirt... lot of skin showing there, sneaky Kanaya. And...

Well... Fuck.

Terezi is standing there sniffing around curiously with a little blush on her cheeks. She's wearing a teal two piece suit that has no shoulders and covers from her breasts, where there's the top of the libra symbol, to just above her waist and a skin-tight bottom similar to mine except teal. She looks a bit awkward standing there in this unknown house with her shades slipping down at bit so her damaged eyes are seen trying to scan the area without purpose. I calmly walk up to her and she suddenly grins. "Hey cool kid!" She says with that billion watt smile of hers. I'm nearly taken aback by her sudden and exact recognition of me but not as much as when she leans forward and nearly presses her lips to mine so close to my face. "What's that new smell? Peaches?" She wonders aloud while sniffing at my face.

I would've stepped back but I'm too cool to look stupid like that... Not buying it? How about: Shocked stiff? Yeah? That'll be five dollars, thanks.

By the time I realise she's probably smelling the lipgloss she tilts her head back and smirks at me. "Dani Strider is wearing lipgloss? Never thought that'd happen!" She chuckles and I can't suppress the small smile I have on my face right now.

To break up this little moment a loud: "COD CLAMMIT, ARE YOU MOTHAFUCKAS HERE ALREADY?" Everyone, even Terezi looks up at the top of the stairs to find a scowling elder Piexes sister.

"Meenah, clam it! I glubbing told you the ofishal time they would get here was five!" Feferi glares up at her.

Meenah groans and walks away with a shout over her shoulder. "You lil fuckers best knot touch anfin of mine. Unless yall are angling ta die." She warns and a door is slammed for good measure.

Rose breaks the silence. "Your sister is quite lovely." She rolls her eyes and Feferi giggles.

"Whale, come on!" Feferi says, grabbing Kanaya and Rose by the wrists and dragging them outside with Eridan tailing them.

I look over to Terezi and she looks over at me. "Uh, Dani... could you maybe...?" She asks me in an ashamed tone.

I don't look at her with pity, I simply smile and take her hand in mine. "No prob." I say while guiding her to the pool. I chuckle and she smiles at me.

The three girls are in the pool and Eridan is looking bored on the side of the pool having apparently changed into his swim trunks earlier and his clothes are piled farther away from the pool.

"Aw, jump in fussyfins!" Feferi pouts, but pulls him into the pool forcibly anyways. While the moirails swim around (Eridan chasing Feferi a little) Kanaya and Rose wade in the shallow water.

Terezi and I lounge with our feet in the water laughing and she does most of the talking about things like her detentions. "Yeah! I can't believe they put me in there for accidentally smacking a kid with my cane! He basically walked into it on purpose!" She groans and kicks the water. "I swear they just try to get me in trouble!"

I feel my heart darken at the thought of her being bullied and she notices, reviving her smile and leaning on me a little bit. "But you know what? One day I'm going to be a rich and famous lawyer, and they're going to be on trial for something. Who'll be laughing then, hmm?" She cackles devilishly and I shake my head while smiling.

The buzzing rings through the air again, but this time a maid rushes from out of nowhere to the door as Vriska and Aradia walk in. They're holding hands pretty blatantly and wearing bathing suits obviously tailored for them by Kanaya. Behind them is another blond girl with glasses and a spider-web themed outfit. Aranea Serket, the older, nicer, more intelligent Vriska. She walks past the couple with a short goodbye and walks up the stairs like she comes here all the time (she probably does, Meenah and Aranea are both best friends and matesprits.)

Aradia is wearing a dark red one-piece without a back that ties around her neck. Vriska is wearing a cerulean sort of two piece, with a bikini top and bottom that's connected by silver spiderweb-lace. … Kanaya is a genius. The two are knock-out beauties by themselves, but with them together? The look on Eridan's face is priceless as he watches his ex-kismesis walking towards us with the hot redhead beside her, well fuck, priceless.

Vriska winks at Kanaya who smiles back at her moirail and rolls her eyes. Aradia is pulled into the pool by Vriska after a complaint of not being able to swim very well. They hand out with Rose and Kanaya on the shallow end while the nautical moirails swim around on the deep end.

Terezi and I are closer to the shallows, but not by much. Have I mentioned the size of this pool? No? Well... This pool is fucking gigantic. Like twice the size of a normal pool. If you get a mathematician up in here it's like normal pool squared. I can't even imagine how deep this shit is.

I don't have time to ponder it as the buzz rings through the air and the door open again. Tavros and Gamzee, Gamzee is only in his trunks, and he still has that stupid makeup on. Tavros is thanking the maid as Gamzee pushes him toward the pool.

Feferi swims over to the shallows and climbs out, mass of hair actually dragging on the ground. She asks them to wait for a second and runs off.

"Heeeey Taaaavros!" Vriska says, waving at him. I can see Gamzee's smile start to stiffen into forced as Tavros stutters a hello back to her. Aradia seems less than pleased as well, and presses a bit closer to Vriska. Before much else can happen Feferi runs back with a floating chair and a 'Tada!' Tavros blushes and Gamzee and Feferi help him into it so he can swim with Gamzee. They hang out in the shallows too. Eridan is calmly wading, and bam, Feferi jumps into the pool right on top of him. The group busts out into snickers and I narrate to Terezi what went down.

"Bubbles dived onto fishbait." I tell her and she busts out laughing. Another buzz and this time it's both Equius and Nepeta and John and Jade.

Equius is... ripped, in all seriousness. Wearing only his navy blue trunks and a white wifebeater which he takes off noting the heat. John is a little less ecstatic about it when he takes off his shirt and khakis to reveal his bright blue trunks. He's such an adorable little derp, I swear!

Nepeta and Jade are having some kind of conversation about animals, dog vs. cat, which is ironic given their outfits. Kanaya is again, a fucking genius. Jade is wearing a lime green bikini with a black dog tail on the back that matches her dog ears. It looks really cool actually. I think Kanaya took Equius into account with Nepeta's swimsuit (can't have something as lewd as Rose's [again with the sneaky Kanaya] bikini or he'd have a heart attack) which is an olive green one-piece that's very modest on her but still etches out her slight curves and makes her look good. Also, the ever-present blue cat tail is on the back. Nepeta and Equius join us on the side while John and Jade splash around near the deep end.

"Hello~" Nepeta says cheerfully to Terezi and I.

"Hey!" "Yo." Terezi and I reply.

I lean over to Nepeta and she snickers. "Can I pawsibly repet the purrsonal apawlogy?" She says sweetly.

I sigh slightly. "Whatever, just be sure to remember." I tell her plainly.

"AC will make purrfectly pawsitive to remempurr to tell efurryone it was a simpawl mistake on my pawrt." She purrs in laughter and leans on Equius who is trying very hard not to look over at Vriska and Aradia.

I roll my eyes behind my sunglasses and the buzz fills the air again, Nepeta jumps and would've pushed Equius into the pool from being startled... if he wasn't so strong, obviously.

Let me explain to you what's going on in my head right about now:

There are currently 14 people here, two left to come. Best option: Just Sollux.

I'm almost frozen forward as the door is opened and the maid welcomes in the guest(s) I hear footsteps but I can't determine whether it's the maid with Sollux or Sollux and Karkat.

"Hey motherfucking best friend." The stoner calls with a wave.

Fuck.

My.

Life.

Why is my heart beating too hard? What the fuck is this bullshit? I think I need to cool off...

Nepeta purrs into my ear. "Purrhaps I was inpurrect, Dani. Is it pawsible you just like Karkitty? No black felines whatsoefur?" She asks actually innocently in her perpetual catlike tone.

As incognito as possible a fashion I slide into the pool, leaving my cover-up on the side of the pool which I slid off quickly. I am the ninja: it is me. I feel the water reach up to my neck and just keep going down so I can cool the heat off my face too. Maybe the sun got to me? How annoying. When I'm completely submerged I feel my toes reach the bottom and I chill right there for a second. Then suddenly there's a weight on my shoulders, a weight with really soft long legs... DAMMIT TEREZI!

I let out a sigh, which became a bubble underwater and I began to feel drowned. I walked her over to the shallow side on my shoulders and when my ears breached the water I heard her cackling again. I roll my eyes behind my shades as she messes with my ponytail and keeps laughing. I allow her to do so as long as she wants, I'm in no hurry. I was just planning on drowning myself anyways.

In my peripheral vision I see a Karkat in red trunks and a black shirt looking boredly at me with his scarlet eyes, and next to him is Sollux wearing just his blue and red trucks and 3D shades. On the other side I see everyone else making some kind of plan that I should be more worried about but Terezi seems keen on keeping me distracted by messing with my shades as she continues laughing and talking about 'I feel so taaaaall!" Adorable jackass...

So suddenly I'm overtaken by an Aradia on Vriska's shoulders (SpiderGhost), who pushes me towards a Rose on Kanaya's shoulders (Rosemary) who steadies me as a wild Tavros on Gamzee's shoulders (PB&J) tries to knock Rosemary over into Jade on John's shoulders (Dogderp) which actually succeeds because Egderp is wimpy as fuck. Rosemary and Terezi on my shoulders (BlindIrony) go back to back as Feferi on Eridan's shoulders (Fishduo) attacks with Nepeta on Equius's shoulders (StrongCatnip) and during all of this infinite bullshit it seems that Sollux and Karkat just look at us like we're stupid... What the fuck ever.

So BlindIrony attacks Fishduo by sweeping the moron's legs and gently shoving them backward. Rosemary is just badassing it up, taking out SpiderGhost with a quick shove into StrongCatnip and PB&J seems to take advantage of that by sweeping Rosemary's legs but the bottom half of Rosemary is not exactly on good terms with the bottom half of PB&J so PB&J is very carefully shoved back into the floating chair. Dogderp is back up with John on top this time, to his own blushing dissatisfaction I might add. Dogderp pushes Rosemary from behind and tries to push BlindIrony over too, but the bottom half of BlindIrony just happens to be a stone-cold motherfucker who leg sweeps Jade from behind while the top half of BlindIrony is trying to overpower the top half of StrongCatnip. The bottom half of StrongCatnip and the bottom half of BlindIrony are sunglasses-to-broken-sunglasses and it looks to be a battle of will as they play dangerous footsie with eachother (mostly dangerous for the bottom half of BlindIrony, thank you very fucking much) but neither side is giving up.

AND SUDDENLY: CrabHoney jumps into the game for no good apparent reason without complete consent from the obvious top half of the pair who is glaring down at the bottom with a scarlet glare. Just as BlindIrony had the upperhand on StrongCatnip (The top half of BlindIrony had the top half of StrongCatnip in an armbar and I think I had the bottom half of StrongCatnip just the slightest bit off balance after he smashed my toes a little) the top half of CrabHoney grabs the bottom half of BlindIrony's pony tail! (THE LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER) The bottom half of BlindIrony completely ignores that StrongCatnip is falling backwards at the very moment she turns around. There is a giant splash behind them as BlindIrony faces off with CrabHoney. The bottom half of CrabHoney attempts to sweep the bottom half of BlindIrony's legs, but that just leads to the bottom half of BlindIrony grabbing tightly onto the top half of BlindIrony who grabs onto an arm of the top half of CrabHoney.

Finishing move: Fuck you, I'm a motherfucking ninja, bitch. I half-sweep Sollux's legs before snapping a kick right next to his head. I can almost see his eyes widen underneath his 3D shades as he stummbles backwards. Terezi uses the hold on Karkat to keep steady until I get both feet on the ground and then lets go, both boys falling backwards with a satisfying splash.

I duck under the water and get out from under Terezi andthen hold out my hand for a high-five. She slaps her hand to mine and we start laughing. We both flop into the water and I hold my hand with hers. Theres still more fighting going on, but we all know BlindIrony is a force to be reckoned with...

Terezi looks over at me as I look over at her, her shades dip down so I can see her damaged reddened eyes. I let my glasses dip down so she could've seen my bright red eyes too. She grins at me and says something profound. "I thought I loved you, Dani. But now I'm positive..." She rolls on top of me in the water. "I think we're meant to be the best of moirails." She says with a smile. I smile back, placing a kiss on her forehead and whisper:

"I agree."

**(AN: WHAT IS PROOF READING? HAAHA. Why are these getting progressively longer? Why am I shipping these things they aren't on my shipping chart?-apwgqgnfgojfgd- Anyways, please note the fact I have just given up my yuri pairing for you people. I love my yuri, people. -_- Be ecstatic about it.)**

**Review, I compel you with every ounce of my being as a moderately not awful author.**


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